I thank God for Christian friends who sent in questions through text messages about the Bible. Among the many questions, they often ask about those scriptures that seem to contradict the teaching of Christ. One of them is from Luke 14:26 where Jesus said, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.” (NKJV).
At first glance, Jesus’ statement seems contradictory to other biblical teachings about loving our parents and family members. One friend told me that it was her non-Christian neighbor who pointed this controversy out to her. That was not the first time that a non-Christian pointed this out. At least, in my own experience, one of my uncles pointed to this statement and sarcastically, told my mother, that if she allowed me to be converted to Christianity, then she would have a son hating her. And he continued that this was contradictory to the Chinese culture of filial piety, At that time, I didn’t understand why Jesus said what he had said. However, later, as I attended Bible College, I began to realize that the only way to understand the intended meaning of this challenging statement by Jesus is to examine the context and cultural understanding of those days.
HONOR PARENTS AND LOVING FAMILY
Jesus, as the personification of the Agape love of God, had taught about the importance of loving God and also loving others. On many teaching occasions, Jesus taught about honoring our parents and valuing our families. For example, Jesus explicitly taught about honoring parents in Matthew 15:3-6.
In this passage, Jesus was rebuking the Pharisees for promoting a non-biblical tradition that allowed people to avoid providing financial support for their aging parents. The Pharisees taught that the money for the parents could be redirected to the temple treasury. Jesus spoke against such hypocrisy and He affirmed that the commandment to honor their father and mother remained valid. And for anyone to nullify this law by upholding the man-made tradition of not taking care of their aged parents would make them hypocrites. Then, why did Jesus advocate the hatred of parents and loved ones? Why did He make this controversial statement?
THE USE OF HYPERBOLE
To fully comprehend, we have to understand what “hyperbole” actually is. It is a communication device commonly used since the time of Christ to make a definite statement, grab attention, produce dramatic effects, and leave an impression. Today, we often use hyperbole without realizing it.
For example: “I’ve told you a million times to clean your room!” This hyperbolic statement is used to emphasize the frequency of the request, even though it may not have been literally a million times.
Another one is “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!” This hyperbole is used to express extreme hunger, suggesting that the person is so famished that they could consume an enormous amount of food.
And let me give you a third one: “I’ve been waiting in this line forever!” This hyperbolic statement is used to emphasize the frustration and impatience of waiting, even if the actual wait time is relatively short.
THE PURPOSE OF JESUS’ HYPERBOLE
Why did Jesus make such a strong hyperbole? The reason is that in the first-century Jewish patriarchal culture, despite the wrong teaching of the Pharisees, the family tie was still deeply cherished and nothing was regarded more highly than respect for parents and lineage. In many instances, they were overdoing it by putting their parents and family as the top priority in their lives instead of God.
Similarly, in the Asian culture, the statement of Jesus continues to bring shock and confusion to unbelievers and new believers alike. I remember that when I was newly saved, my time spent serving in the Church created a lot of displeasure among my family members, especially my parents. On many occasions, I had to miss attending family functions because of church activities. Such a commitment was then misunderstood to be the rejection or hatred of familial bonds. My parents continued to make very detrimental remarks about my commitment to the Lord until they, themselves, got saved. Then, they apologized to me for persecuting me all those years.
NOT HATE BUT LOVE LESS
As we can see, Jesus used the word “hate,” so as to emphasize the need for supreme loyalty and commitment to Him. He wanted His followers to understand that the devotion to Him as the Messiah must take utmost precedence over all other relationships, including those with family members. In fact, if we read the verse carefully, Jesus actually ask us to even hate ourselves when it comes in between our love with God.
Of course, now we know that Jesus absolutely affirmed God’s command to honor our parents within the proper context. And that the New Testament letters perpectually remind us, the disciples of Christ, to continue loving our family members. So hatred is not what Jesus desired – He was saying that we should love all relationships lesser when they are placed in comparison with our love for Christ. His hyperbolic language underscored that dedication to God must come before family and self for authentic discipleship.
In this present age, where the pressures of our society may prevent us from being wholeheartedly committed to our Lord, this hyperbolic message of Jesus serves as a wake-up call. It forces us to reflect upon our spiritual walk. Are we willing to put God above all else in our lives? Are we willing to choose God and deny our families and loved ones if ever demanded? True discipleship is that drastic for it requires unwavering allegiance to Christ through every challenge. There may be a time that we have to “hate” even those closest bonds for the sake of our highest love and purpose in God.